December 2010


Senior Slant:
Woe Is Me!

by Hilda Maston


December rolls around and I know the editor wants a nice little piece about Christmas, but I'm going to disappoint her. I have a problem I want to discuss.

The last few months I have had evidence that I may have an allergy. Every Sunday I come into church and sit in my favorite place. The service begins, and I start coughing. It happens only when I am in church, so I am convinced that I am allergic to something in the church.

Why me?

I've always tried to be a good person. I don't drink, smoke or cuss. I don't lie very often (only when it is necessary to escape the consequences of my actions).

I always pay my library fines, and I don't eat a lot of sweets. I pay attention to Tom's sermons, and I love to hear the choir sing.

So what am I doing to cause all this coughing?

My condition has made two cough drop manufacturers fiscally very happy. My long-suffering family doctor can give me no good reason for my coughing except the logical one — I am allergic to religion.

The only place I cough continually is in church, on Sundays. Can anybody help me? I don't want to constantly disrupt Sunday services with my hacking.

Does anyone know of a prescription that will cure me of this religious affliction?

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