February 2010

Hilda Maston

Senior Slant
Rent a What?

by Hilda Maston

While driving down a busy street, I saw a sign: “Rent-A-Party.”

I stopped to investigate. I wanted to know how one could rent a party.

It turned out that the business only rented the objects of a party – not the party itself. Glasses, tables, chairs, dishes, and tablecloths are what Rent-A-Party provided.

How can you give a party without people? Maybe this country needs a Rent-A-People outlet. There are many times such a business could fill a need beyond the party scene.

Suppose the Father-Daughter Banquet was at hand? Dad needs to leave on a business trip? No problem – call Rent-A-Dad.

Your new boss is coming to dinner to meet your family. Junior refuses to attend. Call Rent-A-Son.

The Prom is coming and Susie doesn’t have a date. Does she pine? No, she calls Rent-A-Date.

Rich Aunt Nettie wants to meet your wife before she makes her will in your favor. Not married? Call Rent-A-Wife.

Is your girlfriend mad at you? Show up at the club with a Rent-A-Blond on your arm. Your girl will rush to make up.

Afraid to fly? Rent-A-Companion to hold your hand.

Are your children craving homemade cookies and one-on-one attention? You try to get in touch with Grandma, but she heads up a big company and doesn’t have time. No problem, call Rent-A-Grandma.

Then there is that final time when you and your family might have a more somber need. Everybody wants a good show at the funeral, but your no-good Uncle Bill had no friends. An easy solution: Rent some weepers clad in black to lend an air of respectability to uncle’s Last Rites.

Renting people for a specific task is nothing new. Employers do it all the time, but I am sure if they would follow these suggestions, a whole new world of opportunity would come to light. What do you think?

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